How to Grow Together as a Couple - After Kids!

My husband and I were married two years before the birth of our first child. I married him at 18 years old when my only responsibilities were to go to work and pay my cell phone bill. We were very young when we committed to spending the rest of our lives together, and we have had to grow together as a couple ever since. For the first two years of our marriage, we would splurge and spend our paychecks on fancy lunches, shopping sprees, and weekend road trips out of town. He became my best friend, and as long as we were together and nothing else mattered.

Ten years and three kids later, our lives look a lot different than they did before. With school and work schedules, we can no longer take week-long spontaneous trips. We can’t recklessly splurge all of our money on careless desires. Although our marriage is in a different season, we are just as happy now as we were then. We understand that our lives are no longer just about me and him, instead, everything we do now is about all 5 of us. Over the years we have grown through our marriage obstacles, ultimately causing us to grow together.

I love our kids dearly, and I would never give up the privilege of being their mom. Despite the fact that my duties as a Mommy are always my top priority, I will never place my marriage on the back burner of my life. A healthy marriage is cultivated by both parties working hard to love and respect one another. If I allow my husband to work hard for my love, but I continue to put my children before him, I have not only failed him – but our marriage too.

If I allow my husband to work hard for my love, but I continue to put my children before him, I have not only failed him – but our marriage too.

I know many women who take pride in being a mother, so much so that they forget about the foundation of the family – the marriage between Mommy and Daddy. If I could give advice to any young couple wanting to build a life together it would be this – don’t allow the cares of life to tear you away from one another. From career and financial struggles to health problems and family issues, you two must remain a united front.

Don’t allow the cares of life to tear you away from one another.

Hardships in life are going to come. It is how you two decide to handle it is what is going to make all the difference. My husband and I have been through every marital trial you could imagine…and we are still here. How did we make it? By fighting together under the grace of God. We made a commitment to fight and grow together as a couple. We couldn’t do it ourselves, so we went to counseling and prayed for God to help us make it through our hardest times. Things began to change for us the day we made a vow to not give up on one other.

5 Tips to Grow Together as a Couple

1. Spend time together. Some couples like to plan a weekly or monthly date night. For our family’s schedule, planned date nights don’t always work for us. Instead, we spend time together each day when we can. Sometimes we have lunch together while the kids are at school or we stay up late watching a show we both love. Making time for each other doesn’t have to be formally planned, so don’t make it complicated. Do what works best for the two of you. Even if you need a to make a quick trip to the grocery store, do it together.

2. Talk about everything and resolve issues quickly. If you pull up my phone log right now, you will see his number at least one hundred times. We talk often, even when he is away from home. Talking about everything works for us, as it holds us both accountable for everything we do. If we have an issue between us, we talk about it and resolve the issue right away. The quicker we can come to a conclusion concerning a matter, the faster we can move on from it.

3. Learn how to communicate with one another. When we first got married, communication was a big struggle we had to overcome. Nowadays, we are learning how to effectively communicate with one another, and it’s causing us to grow closer. Remember, your children, your mother, your best friend, and your husband all require a different style of communication from you. If you don’t know how to effectively communicate with your husband, it can hinder your relationship with him. To learn effective techniques, consider reading a book on marriage communication or attending marriage counseling together.

4. Make each other a priority. Your husband may not openly admit it, but he wants to feel loved and appreciated just as much as you do. Take the time during the day to make each other a priority. A simple act of kindness from you could be what he needs to turn his bad into a good one. It’s the simple things that can bring the two of you closer together, so as you are going about your day think about small things you can say or do to make him feel loved. If he is a good husband, he will easily return the love and appreciation you have shown to him.

5. Remind yourselves of why you fell in love in the first place. As humans, we have the tendency to forget. With the chaos of life going on all around us day in and day out, our feelings and emotions can sometimes get the best of us. You may become so consumed with anger about him leaving his underwear on the ground last night, that you forget that time that he nursed you back to health that time you had the flu. Stop and take a trip down memory lane and remind one another of why you fell in love in the first place. I can guarantee your good memories will outshine the bad ones. The more you both share how much you openly love one another, the more you will have the chance to grow together as a couple.